Azumanga Bitesize!
by RobDaZombie
Summary: A collection of short stories and drabbles that mimic the charm of the beloved Azumanga universe!
1. Role Call

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Azumanga Daioh

**Azumanga Bitesize : A Collection of Short Stories by RobDaZombie**

**Role Call**

Kimura resembled a hunchback as he plodded his way through the classroom corridor. His hair was unsurprisingly messy (perhaps more so than usual), and his agape jaw was an invitation for flies and other small insects to venture inside. He wore his usual wardrobe combination, with his shirt collar hanging out and his tie arranged not-so-neatly below the third button. His briefcase had bits of worksheets poking out at the sides, looking as though he unceremoniously stuffed everything in one go.

Kimura opened the door and walked into his classroom. He was three minutes late, but that didn't seem to bother him or the students much. Kaori instinctively swallowed a lump in her throat as she remained seated on the front row. Who knows what humiliation awaited her from the looming figure that is her home-room teacher. Kimura stopped behind his desk and opened up a black book he retrieved from his briefcase.

"Role call," he announced, in a quiet voice.

The students waited for him to call out the list of names.

"KAAAOORIIIN!" Kimura suddenly shouted at the top of his voice.

Wincing from the loudness, Kaori nonetheless raised her hand and replied with, "Yes, Sensei!"

Kimura slowly lowered his book to his waist, his jaw still remaining agape. He then addressed his favourite student by immediately tilting his head violently to the left.

"Hello Kaorin," he greeted her, reverting back to his normal voice.

"H-Hi Sensei," Kaori nervously greeted back.

A pause.

"How are you feeling, Kaorin?" Kimura asked.

"I-I'm fine Sensei," replied Kaori.

"Please... call me Kimurin," said the teacher, in a pleading sort of way.

"I'm fine... Kimurin," corrected Kaori.

Kimura made a quiet, yet satisfied 'aah' sort of noise. He readjusted his neck and stared into space for the next five seconds. Afterwards, he unconsciously closed the book shut, the pages making a quiet 'poof' sound when they made contact in the middle.

"Role call over," he concluded quietly, earning many confused and surprised sounds from the rest of the students.


	2. Noughts and Crosses

**Noughts and Crosses**

"All right! Since Yukari-chan is late, let's play noughts and crosses before she comes to class!" Tomo cheered, as she approached Kagura's desk and slammed down a pencil and a plain sheet of paper.

Kagura clenched a fist and grinned. "Hnhn! You're on!"

Tomo pulled up her chair so the two energetic girls sat opposite each other. After Kagura swiftly drew a three by three grid, she drew a circle on the top right hand corner. Tomo quickly rotated the paper and drew a cross on the top left corner. Kagura then drew a circle on the bottom left, and Tomo drew a cross dead in the centre. Kagura grinned; she drew a circle in the bottom right, so Tomo had nowhere to go.

"Wh-wha...?! How did you do that?!" Tomo shouted.

Kagura leaned back on her chair and gently cracked her knuckles. "Heh heh! You just lost to a veteran manoeuvre!"

"Rematch!" Tomo demanded.

"You're on!" replied Kagura.

Tomo drew another grid and then drew a cross in the middle.

"This time it's no hold barred!" Tomo stated, "No rules! Anything goes!"

"No rules, huh?" Kagura said, as a big, broad smile appeared on her face. Kagura countered by drawing three noughts in the row of the far right. "Ha ha! I win again!"

"That's cheating!" roared Tomo.

"You said there were no rules!" argued Kagura.

"Well, when I said there were no rules, I only meant there were no rules for me!"

"Well isn't _that _called cheating?!"

"Not when I do it!"

The two of them glared at each other for a moment.

"Another game!" said Tomo.

"Fine!" said Kagura.

Tomo drew a third grid, and with this grid, she occupied every single space with a cross, totalling nine.

"There!" said Tomo, seemingly with pride, "With every space filled that means I win five times! No... wait... (one, two, three... ...six...) I win _eight _times!! I win eight games to two!"

"Oh yeah?" argued Kagura. She drew another grid and repeated what Tomo did previously, "There! Full of noughts! That means I win ten games to eight!"

"Oh yeah?" argued Tomo.

Kagura gasped when Tomo pulled out an eraser from her skirt pocket. Tomo held the eraser up high, as it glimmered in the sunlight.

"Now I can rub out your noughts and replace them with my crosses!" Tomo stated, and she did exactly that; she erased every single nought there was to begin with. "Total victory!"

"_Woah, deadly move," _thought Kagura.

Kagura had to think fast to counter Tomo's ultimate eraser strategy... and she did.

"Flip effect activated!!" Kagura cried out, flipping the piece of paper on the reverse side. Tomo gasped.

Kagura manically scribbled down dozens of grids on paper, and filled every single space with a nought; there were hundreds upon hundreds of noughts. When she was finished, Kagura put down her smouldering pencil and placed her hands on her hips, smiling with utmost pride.

"There! Yukari-sensei will show up way before you can rub out any of those!" Kagura stated in a cocky tone.

Tomo gave Kagura a blank stare.

"What?" said Kagura.

After a pause of silence, Tomo began to speak.

"Wow... chill Kagura," Tomo said, "I mean... I was just playing for fun... but you... ...wow..."

Kagura didn't know what to say.

"Seriously Kagura, you need to relax a little, tone down, mellow out," Tomo continued.

Kagura glanced to one side and felt quite guilty.

"Sorry," she replied.

Not a moment too soon, Yukari entered the classroom, letting out an awkward yawn, and muttering an excuse about old people being too slow when they cross the road. Tomo took this opportunity to retreat to her own desk. After role call, Yukari gave the students the results of their test sheets they worked on yesterday. There was a mixture of delight and despair when the students looked at their scores. Tomo and Kagura, however, were definitely among the despaired section of the class.

"_I got a nought..." _they both thought together.


	3. Twins

**Twins**

After the first few lessons of the day, the girls split up to perform their break time activities. Tomo and Kagura were playing (or rather, competing with each other) outside, Sakaki and Chiyo were selecting some books in the school library, and Yomi and Osaka were having a light snack inside the cafeteria. Yomi ignored the room ambience as she politely sipped on her can of low sugar cola. She was three quarters through her drink when she decided to cast a glance in Osaka's direction, who was sitting opposite Yomi at the time. Osaka took two small bites out of her melon bread... then, her arms and hands slowly descended so they would touch the table... and then, she gently released her grip, so the bread would rest on the packaging it came out of. Osaka slowly tilted her head in an upwards direction, wide brown eyes staring vacantly at the ceiling. Her open mouth resembled a tiny circle.

When she noticed Osaka's altered expression, Yomi stopped drinking her can and tightened her lips. Osaka must be thinking of something daft and random, the intelligent girl thought to herself.

"You know... I was just wondering..."

Bingo.

"...do twins have birthdays?" Osaka asked.

Yomi had to blink twice to make sure she understood what Osaka was saying, a task few people accomplished whilst retaining their sanity.

"Yes, twins do have birthdays," Yomi answered, "they are born on the same day, so therefore they have birthdays on the same day as well."

Osaka paused for five seconds before talking.

"I see..."

Yomi was about to drink her can when Osaka continued this debate of hers.

"... ...does this mean they have to give a birthday present to each other... ...or would they cancel each other out?"

Yomi put down her can. She opened her mouth as she made an 'Eh?' sort of expression.

"I'm fairly certain they would give each other a present," she answered.

Osaka paused for five seconds before talking again.

"I see..."

Yomi was about to pick up her can when Osaka further continued the debate.

"What about triplets? Or quadruplets?"

"Um... the same thing applies," answered Yomi, feeling as though her mind was ebbing away, "They would give each triplet or quadruplet a present... and of course, they would receive presents from them in return."

"I see..." said Osaka, after five seconds of silence.

When the coast seemed clear, Yomi sagged her shoulders and reached for her drink. However, just when her lips reached the rim of the can, Osaka asked another question.

"What about Siamese twins?"

Yomi ceased all animation and frowned.

"What about them?" she asked.

Another five second pause.

"It must be really difficult for them to buy presents. I mean, if both of them went inside a shop, and one of them wanted to buy something for the other one, the other one would have to close their eyes... otherwise... that would spoil the surprise."

"_When is break time over?" _thought Yomi.

Osaka looked up at the ceiling again and tapped her chin a couple of times.

"We should have a pair of Siamese twins in our class," Osaka said, sounding really serious this time.

"Why?" asked Yomi.

Osaka slowly looked back at Yomi, locking eyes with her gaze.

"The sports festival will take place in a few months time," she explained.

"So?"

Osaka continued staring at Yomi, her eyes remaining deadly serious.

"They would totally win the three-legged race," Osaka told Yomi.

Yomi... could not think of a single word to reply to that remark.

After a couple of minutes, Chiyo and Sakaki had already left the library and had now entered the cafeteria with a light snack in mind. After finding and greeting Osaka and Yomi, Chiyo and Sakaki joined them and retrieved some food from their school bags. Sakaki sat next to Yomi and Chiyo sat next to Osaka. Two words cropped into Yomi's mind when her other friends joined her: _thank goodness_. At least she didn't have to suffer Osaka's ramblings alone.

Time passed by and after some small talk, everyone had almost finished their food. There was only another few minutes to go before the next lesson would begin. Sakaki was just about to finish off her triangular sandwich when she noticed Osaka had been staring at her for quite a while. Actually, to be precise, Osaka wasn't looking _at _Sakaki, she was looking at the... 'things' attached to Sakaki.

Osaka inched herself closer towards the tall girl.

Sakaki stopped eating, wondering what Osaka was doing.

"Identical twins..." said Osaka in a memorising tone.

"Huh?" replied Sakaki, as she slightly tilted her head in confusion.

Yomi banged the table with her right fist.

"Don't listen to her," were the words that abruptly came out of her mouth.


	4. Guess Who

**Guess Who**

Chiyo gazed at one of the three vending machines just outside the school; there was such a varied selection of drinks to choose from. Unfortunately for her, the buttons and the coin slot were a little out of her reach, so she had to stand on her tippiest of tiptoes in order to gain that much needed height. A carton of apple juice was soon released from the machine after Chiyo inserted the money and keyed in the valid combination.

After collecting her drink, Chiyo was about to pierce her little white straw when she abruptly found her vision being completely obscured; another girl had approached her and playfully covered Chiyo's eyes from behind. Chiyo stood still and began to panic.

"Wh-who's that?" she quivered.

"Guess who!" came the sound of the voice behind her.

Chiyo recognised that sleepy, spaced-out voice anywhere.

"Osaka-san!" the twin-tailed girl answered.

Osaka released her hold, allowing Chiyo to turn around to see her ditzy friend in clear sight.

"Right!" Osaka happily replied, with a tilt of her head and an eyesmile.

"Aww please don't do that!" Chiyo pleaded to Osaka, "You gave me such a fr-AAHHH!!"

Chiyo found her vision blackened again; this time it was Yomi who sneaked up on her.

"Guess who!" said Yomi.

"Eh-ah-um Yomi-san!" Chiyo answered in panic.

Yomi let of go of her hands and smiled. "Correct!" she replied.

It didn't take long before Chiyo was ambushed for a third time in a similar fashion.

"Guess who!" came the sound of the next voice, as another girl from Chiyo's class joined the party.

Chiyo, now used to her concealed vision, pondered who the next voice could belong to; it sounded a bit like Tomo, but she wasn't quite sure.

"Is it... Tomo-san?" Chiyo guessed.

"Bzzzt! Wrong! It's Ka-gu-ra!" Kagura announced, causing Chiyo to turn around with surprise.

"Hey! That's not fair! You pretended to sound like Tomo-san just to fool me!" Chiyo protested, causing Kagura to rub her forefinger underneath her nose whilst grinning mischievously.

"Kagura is a chameleon!" declared Osaka, undoubtedly impressed by Kagura's 'newfound talent'.

"Chameleons change their colour, not their voice," Yomi said, stating the painfully obvious.

Osaka placed a finger on her lips.

"... ...oh yeah..."

Suddenly, Tomo leapt from seemingly nowhere and wasted no time in covering up Chiyo's eyes.

"GUESS WHO! GUESS WHO!" Tomo shouted, causing everyone in the vicinity to freak out.

After Chiyo recovered from supreme shock, she sagged her shoulders and sighed.

"That's obviously Tomo-san," she answered bluntly, causing her classmates to laugh.

*** * * * ***

There was only another ten minutes left before lunch break was over, and the last pair of lessons would then begin. Chiyo, however, liked to get her books and stationary ready prematurely, so she entered the school and her classroom before anyone else did. However, she was alarmed to see Sakaki already in class; the tall, long haired girl was standing still whilst sorting out her own stuff in the middle of the room. Sakaki didn't seem to notice Chiyo's presence (she was standing in the opposite direction), so Chiyo took this opportunity to creep up behind her. Unfortunately, one misplaced step caused the room to creak, thus causing Sakaki to turn herself to one side.

"Ah, hello Chi-" Sakaki was about to greet.

"Wait! Wait!" Chiyo interrupted, "Turn around! Turn around!"

Surprised at Chiyo's reply, Sakaki nonetheless turned back to her previous position. Sakaki wondered what was going on. She could hear the sound of Chiyo lifting something up, followed by the sound of footsteps and delicate panting.

"Um..." Sakaki tried again.

"Wait! Hang on!" Chiyo interrupted again, causing Sakaki to stop talking.

After a short while, Chiyo placed a chair down behind Sakaki and carefully stood on top of it. She then lightly placed her hands over Sakaki's eyes.

"Guess who!" Chiyo chirped.

...

There was a long pause of silence. It was so quiet, one could hear a gentle breeze from the other side of the shut windows.

...

"Chiyo-chan," Sakaki answered quietly.


	5. Bang! Bang! Yomi is Dead!

**Bang! Bang! Yomi is Dead!**

After the final lessons of today were over, Chiyo invited her friends around to her place, which they would stay until later on in the evening. After phoning their families, stating they won't be back home for a while, the group of girls followed the little redhead until they reached the palace-like house. The students ventured inside and, after being warmly greeted by Maya and Mr. Tadakichi, they all followed one another upstairs. They quickly grew warm and comfortable when they found themselves seated around the kotatsu of Chiyo's bedroom. Everyone then came to an agreement; after forty five minutes of studying, they would take a break, to relax their minds before they would prepare for another round of working hard.

After the agreed time had elapsed, everyone had put away their school equipment in order to obtain something to help them unwind. Tomo and Kagura were sharing a comedy styled Manga, Chiyo was focusing on a sudoku problem shown in her puzzle book, Sakaki was thumbing through a hard-covered book based on wild animals, and Yomi was also reading a book, small in size, but its pages were filled with numerous words. Osaka, however, didn't know how to pass the time. She didn't have anything to read or look at, so she twiddled her thumbs for most of the duration. Her brown, vacant eyes briefly examined each of her friends and what they were doing. Since Yomi was sitting the closest to her, Osaka decided to lean sideways in her direction, in order to properly see what captured the hazel-haired girl's attention. Yomi couldn't help but feel mildly irritated, since her right shoulder was now supporting the weight of Osaka's head.

"Say Yomi, watcha' reading?" asked the space cadet.

"It's a book about facts," Yomi answered, trying to sound as casual as she can.

Osaka simply blinked twice and started to stare at this book. Yomi was a little annoyed from Osaka's distinct lack of response, so she felt the need to add more to the conversation.

"According to this, on earth, a person dies every seven to ten seconds."

Osaka blinked again, before gazing at that particular section of text. "Oooh..."

After taking in the information, Osaka reverted back to her normal position, and Yomi felt relieved to have her shoulder back. Osaka glanced at her surroundings again. Sakaki's eyes were dream-filled; they were soaked into a large picture of an adult wild lynx prowling through the snow. Chiyo felt a sense of triumph as she finished her numeric ordeal, and swiftly moved onto the next problem. Tomo pointed at a particular hilarious panel on a page on her Manga, to which both her and Kagura could not help but snigger at. After turning to the next page, Yomi read another list of facts, her eyebrows raised at some of the more unbelievable ones. Everyone was in their own state of perpetual bliss.

Suddenly, Osaka rose to her feet, and pointed an invisible gun towards Yomi's head.

"Bang! Bang! Yomi is dead!" Osaka shouted, startling everybody in the room.

"EEEH?!?" Yomi gasped out loud, her expression etched in sheer shock.

Everyone made worried stares at each other when Osaka eventually put away her 'weapon' before sitting down. Chiyo was about to say something, but the words just would not properly come out of her mouth. Everyone was now undoubtedly sidetracked from their reading material.

It was not long afterwards before Osaka swiftly stood up again, and this time stabbed an imaginary knife into Sakaki's direction.

"Stab! Thrust! Sakaki lies motionless in a pool of her own blood!" Osaka announced, causing Sakaki to have a look of alarm on her face. The others also gasped out loud.

"Oh no! Poor Sakaki-san!" remarked Chiyo, her lips constantly quivering.

With two unexpected deaths in the house, Osaka now had everyone's undivided attention. Osaka sat down again, and if anyone looked thoroughly at her face, they would have noticed her lips moving ever so slightly, as though she was mentally number counting. Catching everyone off-guard, Osaka grabbed a glass of orange juice from the centre of the kotatsu. She then stood up yet again, and began to gargle the juice for some time, before eventually swallowing down its contents. Everyone remained staring at her, as she sat down and placed the empty glass back on the kotatsu. They waited, and waited... until at last, Osaka began to explain the situation.

"That... was the sound of Kagura drowning in the school swimming pool," she monotonously stated.

"WHAT?!!" shouted a bewildered Kagura, the swimmer unsure whether to feel freaked out or downright offended.

Chiyo and Tomo, high with anticipation, waited to see who was next on Osaka's kill list. They didn't have to wait long however, for Osaka launched to her feet for the forth time. From the way Osaka's clenched fists were moving around, it looked like she was pretending to use... a steering wheel?

"VROOM! CRASH! Chiyo-chan has been run over!" she told everyone. Everyone gasped again.

"R-Run over?!" Chiyo blubbered, her whole face turning into jelly.

"What kind of vehicle was it?" asked an almost-as-worried Kagura.

As she sat back down, Osaka's hair completely overshadowed her eyes. Then, she tilted her head upwards, and exposed a pair of very sinister brown orbs.

"The Yukari Mobile," she added hauntingly.

Poor Chiyo found herself behind a pitch black background, and she had transformed into a transparent, violently-distorted chalky outline of her former self. Memories of being a passenger on the Yukari Mobile came rushing back to haunt her, and it would take a short while for the pig-tailed girl to recover again.

Everyone waited for Osaka to strike for the final time (unless she was planning to kill herself as well), whilst Sakaki placed a hand on Chiyo's shoulder, ensuring her that everything was going to be okay. With what seemed like an eternity, Osaka finally stood up again, and it looked as though she was pretending to wield a largish weapon behind her head...

...but the moment she was about to attack, Tomo leapt to her feet in a lightning speed, and with both hands, pointed an invisible gun towards Osaka.

"This is the ICPO!! Put down the axe!! We have you surrounded!!" Tomo shouted with authority.

Kagura, Sakaki and Chiyo made sounds of amazement. Osaka dropped the weapon behind her and started to panic.

"It's not what it looks like officer!" Osaka said nervously, waving her hands around in the air, "I... I-I was just going to chop down some trees!"

Tomo didn't budge an inch. "A likely story!" she replied, her gun still fixated on Osaka's body, "Put your hands above your head! I'm placing you under arrest for the attempted murder of one policewoman!"

Osaka repeatedly shook her head and closed her eyes shut. "Nooo! I don't wanna go to jail!" she wailed.

Yomi took off her glasses and placed them on the kotatsu, so she could smear a hand over her face. Next time, she would make sure not to saying anything to Osaka that could easily trigger her incredible imagination.


	6. Water Fight

**Water Fight**

The sun steadily rose above a cluster of white clouds; the makings of a perfect weekend evening. To stay inside Chiyo's house during this rare display of weather was regarded as sinful. Therefore, after some studying, the girls all ventured outside to Chiyo's spacious garden. Currently, they were getting ready to engage into a fun-loving water pistol fight. Last year, Chiyo had brought these water guns for herself and her friends, but never found the right opportunity to play with them, until now. As well as being equipped with a water gun, all of the girls were dressed in light clothing; t-shirt, shorts and sporty footwear.

After Kagura counted to five, the six girls dashed from the centre of the garden, each one trying to find an ideal location to mark their territory. Yomi had found a suitable hiding place behind a large tree. Her tactics were straightforward enough; wait for all the others to duke it out, whilst she remained hidden until the opportunity arises. Once they were out of ammunition, she would pick out the bones and claim the victory; an effective, if somewhat cheap strategy.

The battle was already well on the way, for Osaka had spotted one of Chiyo's pigtails, which was revealed next to one of the bushes. Chiyo realised she had been spotted, but nonetheless tried to stand her ground as she rose to her feet. Both of them were well within shooting range, yet neither of them could land a single hit. Truth be told, Chiyo and Osaka were not very good at this sort of game, but they didn't seem to mind; they were too busy enjoying themselves.

Suddenly... Tomo joined into the fray...

With a mighty battle cry, Tomo blasted into the vicinity and squirted water all over the place. In a matter of seconds, Chiyo and Osaka had their faces and clothes drenched of water; they had no other option but to retreat from this hyperactive Lupin wannabe.

"WAAAII! WAAAII! BANZAI! BANZAI!" Tomo cheered, jumping up and down in victory.

Kagura grinned when she heard the voice of the excitable one; she was laying on her belly behind the flower bed. She stood up and launched her assault, and it wasn't long before she and Tomo were engaged in a fierce watery warfare. Kagura's athleticism and Tomo's impressive ability to play games had resulted in a stalemate so far; they had only managed to strike each other half a dozen times.

Tomo suddenly stood still, her head tilting slightly to the right. For some reason, Tomo was observing the wetness of Kagura's clothes. This unusual act of display caused Kagura to stop moving as well.

"Um... what's wrong?" Kagura asked, looking confused.

Tomo continued to examine her... before eventually replying with, "Woooaah..."

"Woah?" Kagura repeated.

"They're still growing, aren't they?"

"Huh? What do you-"

Kagura looked at her chest and, with widened eyes, blushed furiously; her soaked t-shirt revealed the noticeable outline of her bra. Tomo then seized the moment and squirted water all over her face and hair, laughing all the while as she performed this extremely cowardly act.

Whilst Kagura was busy spluttering water from her mouth, Sakaki, with cat-like speed, ran silently into the battlefield. She moved so fast, nobody knew where she was hiding. Tomo knew she was in trouble; Sakaki evaded all of her attacks effortlessly. The reserved girl then proceeded a strike of her own... but immediately stopped dead in her tracks. She quietly gasped to herself. She realised Maya and Mr Tadakichi were both curled up as they slept soundly by the steps leading to the main door of Chiyo's house. Sakaki didn't even register her water pistol dropping onto the grassy ground; her arms practically turned into wobbly jelly, as she floated in a trance-like state towards the two lovable animals. Tomo captured this advantageous chance, and laughed as she squirted water at the back of Sakaki's head. Due to her current hypnotism, Sakaki fell face first into the grass, as though she was Chiyo with half a hit point remaining.

"Chiyo-chan! Osaka! Chaaarge!" Kagura suddenly cried out.

Tomo shot a glance towards the three girls, and took a couple of steps back in retreat; she never expected them to recover so quickly. She ran away whilst Chiyo, Osaka and Kagura were in hot pursuit.

"We're closing in on her! No mercy! Prepare to lose Tomo!" Kagura added with a cheer.

"HA HA HAAA! I THINK NOT!" replied Tomo, a triumphant edge shown in her laughter.

Chiyo, Osaka and Kagura froze in their tracks. They thought Tomo was running away, but instead, the cunning tomboy lured all three of them into a trap. Tomo grinned wickedly; in her right hand she was holding a water-hose, and her left hand was rapidly spinning the tap connected to the water-hose...

"Aw crap! Retreat!" Kagura told her comrades, but it was too late; the vast stream of water was unleashed from the serpent's mouth.

"AAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Tomo laughed in full volume.

Kagura was the first to fall; the water struck every exposed and unexposed area on her body, making her undoubtedly soaked to the bone. Osaka was Tomo's second target, and she too suffered a fate identical to Kagura. Chiyo tried to run, but fear already took control of her wobbling legs.

"H-H-Have mercy, Tomo-san!" Chiyo pleaded, with big wide, spherical eyes.

Unfortunately for Chiyo, Tomo performed the exact opposite of showing mercy. Tomo stretched out the hose as far as she could, and then proceeded to _endlessly flood _the poor girl in point-blank range. Even as Chiyo dropped to the ground, Tomo still hosed her down with an infinite supply of water.

"WAAAGH-BLURB-BLUB! TOMO-SA-GLUB! THIS IS TOO MU-AAAH WULB!" Chiyo shrieked, in perhaps the highest pitched-voice ever heard from a twelve year old girl.

Tomo continued on with the onslaught... but quickly noticed the water was rapidly running out from the hose. Now, only mere drips were escaping from it. Confused, Tomo turned around, only to see Yomi had cleverly sneaked behind her to turn the tap off. During this commotion, Kagura struggled to her feet, and grinned when she saw Yomi outsmarting the hose-wielding girl.

"Woah! Nice job Yomi!" Kagura announced with a thumbs up.

Yomi smiled and nodded. "Finish her off!" she told Kagura.

Kagura complied; she dashed towards a still bewildered Tomo, and pressed the trigger from her gun. A single stream of water splashed on Tomo's right eye. Tomo stood still for a moment, before limply dropping the hose onto the grass.

"You squirted water in my eye..." Tomo whimpered, closing the eye that had been effected with water.

Kagura lowered her weapon, unsure how to react.

"You... you squirted water... in my eye..." Tomo said again.

"She's milking it, Kagura," Yomi bluntly stated.

Almost immediately after Yomi had spoken, Tomo starting flapping her arms around like a demented turkey.

"WAAAAGGGH! I GOT WATER IN MY EYE!" Tomo blubbered out loud. Kagura, and everyone else in the vicinity, decided it would be wise to take a few steps back, "THERE'S WATER IN MY EYE KAGURA! WAAAAAGH! WAH! WAH! WAAAAAAAGH! WAAAAGH!"

"She's milking it Kagura!" Yomi repeated, her voice a little louder and sterner than before.

Tomo then started to run around in small circles, before dropping herself to the ground, and rolling her whole body like a rolling-pin.

"WAAAAGH! I CAN'T SEE! MY RIGHT EYE CAN'T SEE! WAAAAGH! WAAGH! WAAAGH! I HATE THIS GAME! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! WAAAAAAGH!"

Yomi finally sure red. "ARE YOU FOUR YEARS OLD?_!_?" she shouted angrily.

Meanwhile, and far away from any kind of commotion, Sakaki was seated on the bottom step leading to Chiyo's house. Maya was all curled up on Sakaki's lap, and Mr Tadakichi was sprawled across her legs; both animals were sound asleep. Sakaki closed her eyes and smiled a healthy, glowing smile. Truly, this is heaven, she wondered happily to herself.


	7. Her Best Friend, Allegedly

**Her Best Friend, Allegedly**

After finishing off her homework, Yomi spent the rest of the evening relaxing on her bed whilst listening to her favourite talk show on the radio. She was also reading a novel not so long ago, but decided to bookmark and save the last few chapters for another day. Since her parents were away on an outing, Yomi reached out her hand and notched up the volume, knowing full well she wouldn't disrupt anybody. Her cellphone (positioned on top of her desk) was in the process of being charged up, so if there was any kind of emergency, the house phone had to be used instead.

Time sailed by, until Yomi's blissful state was interrupted with a gurgling noise invading her stomach. Yomi sighed through her nose; this was her body clock, informing her a snack was required. Well, it couldn't be helped, Yomi thought to herself, she did feel kind of peckish. Stretching her arms far and wide, Yomi took her time exiting her room and walking down the stairs. A rectangular box of pocky sprung into her mind; tasty, and not so high in calories, the sort of snack that shouldn't put a damper on her dieting schedule. Thankfully, there was a solo box inside the cupboard of the kitchen, so she wasted no time in retrieving the sacred, chocolaty biscuits of goodness.

As she popped a pocky midway into her mouth, Yomi was about to walk back upstairs when she noticed the answer phone's green light was constantly flashing; she must of had the radio on loud enough not to hear it ring. She pressed the message button on the phone, hoping it wasn't her parents trying to get hold of her.

"You have six new messages," the phone informed, in a female-robotic sort of voice.

Upon hearing this, Yomi _really _hoped it wasn't her parents trying to get hold of her. The teenage girl felt a touch of guilt within her; she prayed her parents were not involved in anything serious.

"Message... one..."

Yomi held her breath and clasped her hands close to her waist.

"YOMI! YOMI! YOMI! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UP! I WANNA TALK TO YOU YOMI! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UP! I TRIED YOUR CELLPHONE BUT I AIN'T GETTING NO REPLY! PICK UUUP!" shouted a very familiar and annoying voice.

Yomi lowered her shoulders. Of course. It had to be Tomo; who else would harass the poor girl at this time of night?

"Message... two..."

"YOMI! YOMI! YOMI! COME OooOooON! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UP! I WANNA TALK TO YOU YOMI! I WANNA TALK TO YOU! TRIED YOUR CELLPHONE, BUT AIN'T GETTING A REPLY! COME ON YOMI!"

"Message... three..."

"_Oh God..." _thought Yomi, as she began to fear the worst.

"YOMI! YOMI! YOMI! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! PICK! IT! UP! COME ON YOMI! COME ON YOMI! COME ON YOMI! PICK UP THE PHONE! PICK UP THE PHONE! PICK UP THE PHONE! COME ON YOMI!"

"Message... four..."

"PICK UP THE PHONE YOMI! COME OooOooON! PICK UP THE PHONE YOMI! PICK IT UUUUP! PICK IT UP! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UP THE PHONE YOMI! PICK IT UP! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UUUUP!"

Yomi tightened her lips in a sour fashion; most normal people would have given up by now.

"Message... five..."

"COME ON YOMI! ARE YOU GOING TO PICK UP THE PHONE? I'M BORED YOMI! I'M BOOooOOooOOooOORED! COME OooOooON! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP YOMI! PICK UP! PICK UP! PICK UP!"

"_Just disappear," _thought Yomi.

"Message... six..."

"YOOOoooOOOoooOOOMIIII! YOOOMMIII! YOMI-MI-MIII! PICK IT UP! PICK UP THE PHOOONE! COOOME ON! PICK IT UP YOMI! PICK IT UUUUP! YOOMMI!"

Soon after the sixth message was heard, the phone started to ring. Amazed at her own ability to withstand her friend's verbal avalanche of annoyance, Yomi took a deep breath and picked it up.

"Mizuhara residence," Yomi answered flatly, knowing full well her friend was on the other end.

There was a short pause before Tomo's voice was heard.

"Oooh? Well look who decided to answer the phooone," the short-haired girl replied.

"Yeah, I was kinda busy," Yomi stated, trying to keep her composure towards a more neutral level.

Yomi could hear Tomo making a grinning sort of noise.

"You weren't listening to that dumb talk show again, were you?"

"It's not dumb!" Yomi sharply responded, "It's very informative and interesting thank you very much!"

Yomi waited for the next stupid thing to come out of Tomo's mouth.

…

"Sooo," Tomo began to say, "what do you wanna talk about?"

Yomi locked her jaw open for a moment before replying.

"Wha... _you _were the one who rang _me_, remember_?_!" she snapped, sounding really distressed.

"Hmph! Well if you're gonna be so cranky, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore! Bye!" Tomo said, and hung up immediately after speaking.

Yomi slowly put the phone down.

"_How did we ever become friends?" _she thought to herself.


	8. You can ask your teacher anything!

**You can ask your teacher anything!**

The timing could not have been any more perfect; soon after the school bell rang, Yukari had just finished her final lesson for today.

"Okay everyone, don't forget about the homework I gave you yesterday. I expect to have it completed for Monday, and no excuses this time, got it?" Yukari told her class, trying to sound serious, but coming off as more of a lazy slur.

"Yes Sensei," replied the class of students, some of them sounding cheerful, others were just as tired as their teacher.

As expected, most of the class exited the school post haste, but to the teacher's surprise, four students were still in the classroom, standing in a line, with the one in front standing closest to her work desk. The student in front of the queue was a brown haired boy named Matsuyama; he wore largish, rectangular glasses, but otherwise didn't really stand out from the rest of the students.

"Sensei, I was wondering if you could help me," Matsuyama said, a touch of guilt shown from his voice.

Yukari... felt an overwhelming awesomeness radiate inside her; her mouth beamed with absolute shining confidence. How many students would ask _Minamo_for help, Yukari thought to herself. The teacher grinned wickedly; probably somewhere between zero and... super zero.

"Well ask away!" Yukari chirped, already portraying the goddess of all knowledge. She folded her arms and gave her student a reassuring eyesmile. "You know you can ask your teacher anything!"

Matsuyama cleared his throat before telling her the problem.

"It's about the homework you gave us yesterday."

"What about it?" Yukari asked.

"I forgotten what we had to do."

Upon hearing this, Yukari's expression changed from sickly sweet to lemony sour; she was renown for altering her emotions in a heartbeat.

"Do you have your textbook?" she sighed.

Matsuyama nodded as he gave her the book. Swiftly, Yukari opened up the middle of it and pointed at the adjacent pages.

"Here, you read this, and then you answer the twenty questions on the following page," she explained, and she concluded her explanation by tapping the book on Matsuyama's head.

Nodding quickly, Matsuyama left the classroom to meet up with his friends who were waiting for him. The next person in the queue was Tomo, and she was her usual sprightly self. Tomo wasted no time approaching her teacher.

"Hey Yukari-baby!" the energetic girl cheered, "Can I ask you a question?"

Again, Yukari felt like the chosen one, the teacher gifted with eternal wisdom.

"But of course! Ask away!" she replied with total satisfaction, "You know you can ask your teacher anything!"

Tomo raised her hands and rested them behind her head.

"Can I have my game back?" she asked, grinning sheepishly.

For a moment, Yukari looked at her student, confused, but then she realised; during the last lesson, she caught Tomo playing a video game on her hand-held console (Tomo tried to conceal it behind her text book, but the loud sound effects kind of defeated that objective). With another sigh, Yukari fished out the device from her handbag and gave it back to her eagerly awaiting student. In truth, she was kind of hoping Tomo would forget about it; Yukari would have loved to give that shooting game a try.

"Thank you Yukari-baby!" thanked Tomo, and she immediately flipped open the console to play it as she left class.

Yukari deflated her shoulders. Just once, just one time, she would love to have one of her students ask her a proper question, a genuine question. Then, Yukari, the greatest English teacher on the planet, would answer with elegance and perfection, and the student would be like: 'Oh wow, you are so wise, oh powerful and amazing Yukari-sama.'

"Um... Sensei... I'm confused..."

Unfortunately, as Yukari stared at the third student in line, the one with wide and disconcerted eyes, she knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

"Yes, what is it Osaka?" Yukari asked half-heartedly.

There was a pause, and if Yukari was to venture inside Osaka's mind, then she would hear and see numerous rusty cogwheels, processing the space cadet's thread of thought.

"The plural for mouse... is mice..." Osaka began.

Yukari nodded. "Yea~h..."

Pause number two.

"Does that mean the plural for spouse... is spice... and the plural for house... is hice?"

Yukari slowly shook her head before explaining to Osaka that, just because certain words rhyme, doesn't mean their plural counterparts have to rhyme as well. Osaka placed a finger on her lips as she tried to soak in all of her teacher's information.

"Mice... spouses... houses..." Osaka listed, after Yukari told her the corrections to the remaining two words.

"Mice, spouses, houses," Yukari repeated, who at this stage just wanted to go home.

"..."

"..."

"Mice... spouses... houses..."

"Mice, spouses, houses."

"..."

"..."

"Mouses... spouses... houses..."

"Mouses, spouses... no wait!"

Yukari tore off a piece of paper from a notepad and, with a pencil, scribbled down the 'problematic' words, both singular and plural. As she did this, Yukari wondered why she was going to such lengths just to answer a silly and minor problem. She also wondered if Osaka was thinking about this problem most of the time during the last lesson; from the five times she caught the student gazing at the ceiling, it was a very high possibility.

"There," she concluded, pushing the written paper towards Osaka.

Osaka looked at the paper for a while before picking it up.

"Thank you Sensei!" Osaka said, with an eyesmile and a simple bow.

Yukari slumped to one side of her desk, "Yeah, yeah," she groaned, shooing her student away with her right hand. Osaka happily scampered to the door with the sacred sheet of paper clutched tightly in her grasp.

Yukari felt her tension level lowering when the last student of the line, Kagura, approached the teacher's desk. Finally, it's almost over, the teacher thought to herself. However, for reasons unknown, Kagura didn't appear to be her usual upbeat self, and Yukari was quick to note this altered behaviour.

"Are you okay?" Yukari asked, her eyes showing some concern.

Kagura glanced bashfully to one side; there was a slight... redness appearing on her face.

"Well... um... I don't know if you can help me..." Kagura replied, slowly and softly, "...I mean... I haven't asked my family or my friends about this... but I was wondering if... if you could help?"

Although her expression remained unchanged, Yukari's mind was a bunch of recurring fireworks; to be asked a question that was deemed forbidden for Kagura's friends and family; whatever could this problem be?

"So... what's the matter?" Yukari gently pressed, hoping she would be of some assistance; no, scrap that, of _course _she would be of some assistance. She would be overflowing and bursting with assistance.

Kagura lightly bit her lower lip, before eventually telling the teacher her ordeal. "It's about a boy in my old class. I... I think he likes me, and he always wants to talk to me whenever we bump into each other. I... I know this sounds kinda farfetched, but what if he decides to... y'know... confess his feeling for me?"

Kagura briefly looked at her school shoes; her feet were pointed together, creating a sort of triangular shape.

"What should I do?" she asked, "I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't feel like committing myself in some kind of relationship. At least... not yet."

As Kagura was done expressing herself, she felt a great weight lifting from her shoulders, though she still felt awkward talking about it. Meanwhile, Yukari's eyes were wide with amazement, and her mouth resembled a tiny, open circle. Yukari's experience with men was... ...well... there was that _one_ time where she flirted with some guy two years ago... even though she was heavily drunk at that moment in time... even though that guy was already married with three kids. Come to think of it, she wasn't really flirting with him at all; she just pointed a finger at him and shouted 'marry me you sexy stud!'

...

Kagura waited patiently for some advice; it was likely her teacher was still processing the question given to her.

…

...

"BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute!" Yukari suddenly said in a high-pitched voice, still retaining her wide-eyed expression.

Kagura watched, dumbfounded, as the teacher rose from her seat. Yukari's arms began to transform into wobbly spaghetti, and she then started to float away in reverse, rapidly increasing the distance from her student.

"BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute!"

Kagura, blinking twice, continued to watch as Yukari left the classroom, her repetitive voice slowly fading away as she continued her retreat from the school corridors.

* * *

Feeling more confused than ever before, Kagura eventually left the classroom as well. She walked through the corridors, the presence of the English teacher long since disappeared. With her concentration elsewhere, the athletic girl accidentally bumped into her former teacher, Minamo.

"Ah! Sorry!" Kagura apologised, but Minamo, with a smile, waved it off as no big deal.

"No problem!" the sports teacher said, before taking a good long look at her former student, "Say... are you alright?"

Kagura attempted a cheerful reply, but her face easily told another story. "Huh? Ah, yeah! I'm fine!"

"You sure?" asked Minamo, "You don't look so great."

"Well..." Kagura began to say, feeling brave from Minamo's concern, "...actually... there is... something that's kind of bugging me..."

"Well fire away!" Minamo interjected, "I know I'm not as smart as Yukari, but I can still try my best to help out!"

Kagura gave her old teacher a petit smile before speaking.

"Well... you see... it's about a boy-"

"BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute! BEEEEP! Does not compute!" Minamo interrupted, eerily mimicking Yukari's high-pitched voice and style of movement.


	9. Winner by Default

**Winner by Default**

Yukari stumbled into Minamo's apartment the moment Minamo opened the front door. The English teacher gazed right into her eyes, stationary, like a statue. She was white as a ghost and soaked to the bone, a victim of the early evening showers. Her appearance was something straight out of a horror movie.

"Y-Yukari? What do you want?" Minamo asked, startled and annoyed at the same time.

Minamo stared at her worryingly, wondering when she was going to answer. For a seemingly eternal five seconds, Yukari finally complied by mumbling two syllables.

"Hungry."

Minamo slammed the door shut, her actions more justifiable than words could ever summarise. Yukari immediately retaliated by relentlessly banging on the door, crying and whining for all she was worth. Minamo sighed angrily, knowing deep down inside that her colleague could do this all night if she wanted to. In fear that this woman might infuriate the entire neighbourhood, Minamo clenched her teeth and slowly opened the door again. Yukari dived into the apartment and instantly made herself at home, refurbished of life and back to her regular, irritable self. She plumped her behind on Minamo's favourite comfortable chair.

"I want shrimp," Yukari stated, swift and to the point.

"I don't have shrimp!" Minamo shouted. She stood her ground and folded her arms. "Besides… I was planning on eating out anyway."

With a wide-eyed expression, Yukari quizzically blinked twice.

"Eating out?" she repeated.

"Yes," Minamo affirmed.

Yukari paused for a bit, her eyes still staring into Minamo's.

"You?" she asked.

"Yeah," Minamo answered.

Yukari thought about this some more, her expression still remaining the same.

"By yourself?"

Minamo threw her hands up in resentment. "I'm sick and tired of cooking for you all the time! Why don't you treat _me_ to dinner once in a while?"

Yukari tilted her head in an innocent, butter-wouldn't-melt manner. She then oozed herself more into Minamo's favourite comfortable chair.

"How about a challenge then?" Minamo persuaded, "One round of Othello. If you win then I'll cook for you as normal; if I win then you treat me to a restaurant meal!"

Yukari placed a thumb and forefinger between her chin, a devilish grin emerging from her lips. It was a rare opportunity to thrash her at a game of intellectual strategy _and_ be treated to her homemade cooking on the same night. Yes, she thought, with a sparkle in her eye, she will destroy her, reap the benefits, and brag about her victory for the next umpteen or so weeks.

"Meh, alright," she sighed, trying to act as casual as possible, "just don't be too upset after I crush you."

* * *

Eleven minutes and forty-six seconds passed by. The chequered board was almost entirely full with white discs.

"Impossible!" Yukari shouted, pointing at her opponent, "You're a stupid P.E. teacher! Stupid P.E. teachers aren't supposed to win at these kinds of games!"

"Just because I'm a P.E. teacher doesn't mean I'm stupid!" Minamo retaliated, "Besides, I used to practise this game a lot back at Junior High!"

Yukari felt a cold jolt enter her bodily system, quickly remembering the stipulations of this game.

"That was a warm-up match!" she protested, rising up from the floor she was kneeling on. "Let's play another game!"

Minamo narrowed her sight, her lips tightening in a fashion most discomforting; she had a nasty suspicion Yukari would pull off something so sneaky and so dastardly.

"Fine!" she retorted, "But if I win this next game, you get to treat me to a restaurant meal _and _starters as well!"

"Fine!" agreed Yukari, as Minamo looked for another game to find.

* * *

Fourteen minutes and twenty-nine seconds passed by. The black king was forced into a checkmate, blocked off by the opponent's rook, knight and bishop. Minamo was leading to believe that her two victories were due to Yukari's increasing impatience, thus her making lots of silly mistakes during the games.

"Another game!" announced Yukari, more bitter than a lemon avalanche, "I'm still warming up!"

"Rrrgh! Fine!" Minamo responded, "But if I win this game, there are no more excuses! Plus, you get to treat me to a restaurant meal _with_ starters _and _dessert!"

"Fine!" Yukari approved, and Minamo looked for something else to compete with.

* * *

The deciding match consisted of a single round of Draw Poker. Shuffling the deck, Minamo dealt herself and her opponent five cards, and they were only allowed to exchange a number of cards once before finally revealing their hands. Yukari exchanged three cards and Minamo exchanged one. They eyed each other sternly, bracing themselves for the ultimate showdown.

"Three queens!" Yukari screeched in delight, as she slammed her hand down on the floor.

Minamo frowned, witnessing the three maidens in all of their feminine glory. However, just when Yukari thought victory was about to embrace her, a smirk appeared on her opponent's lips.

"Full house!" Minamo countered, sweeping Yukari's annoying expression away with two jacks and three sixes. "Now you better fulfil your end of the bargain!"

Yukari loosened her shoulders and made a disgruntled sigh. She began to pat around her trouser and jacket pockets, as though she was searching for something important. Curious to what she was doing, Minamo observed the English teacher suspiciously. Yukari looked up and stared blankly at Minamo.

"I didn't bring my wallet," she told her.

Minamo clenched her hands tightly. Her fists were rapidly draining to an unhealthy white. At one moment, it looked as though she was going to explode and throw every inanimate object out of the window, as well as every animate object too. Instead, Minamo tossed all of her angry imaginations to one side; she stood up, exhaled heavily and silently made her way to the kitchen.

Yukari heard some plates being taken from the cabinet shelf.

"I want shrimp!" Yukari called out.

"I don't have shrimp!" Minamo yelled back.


End file.
